The Essay & The Reason I was Titled “Queen of Receipts”
Updated: Oct 12, 2022
(thursday 24th february 2022) this never should have needed to be re-uploaded. but someone i previously considered a close friend ended up betraying me by (among other things) completely wiping/nuking/destroying/eviscerating my old website milkypixel.com- and thus, the page where this essay originally lived. this is a duplicate of the pdf that i had saved at the time, i hadn't realized i still had.
any text written in peach is an afternote made at the time of this transfer,
outside of the original essay. i leave this here for posterity. so that the evidence still lives somewhere.
may we all get what we deserve.
this essay was originally posted on milkypixel. com on the 26th of june 2019.
A practically complete breakdown of the truth you all deserve, inclusive of basically every screenshot and piece of evidence pertaining to the events leading up to this point.
cw/tw: sexual harassment, gaslighting, use of dead name.
My name is Pearlyn Rae Relucio aka Milky Pixel, and I think it’s finally time that everything I’m about to say came out.
All of it.
From ground zero, up until very recently.
Even the parts of the story that aren’t the most flattering because let’s face it; I have a tendency to over-explain and overcommunicate a lot of the time anyway and I believe that context is key to completely understanding a lot of things. The situations 1below have given me stomach ulcers, mouth ulcers, panic and anxiety attacks, and hives all over my body, all due to the stress of it. All due to being constantly gaslit, villainized and made to seem like I’m crazy.
Repeatedly. Publicly. For months.
It’s been over half a year since this all began.
The Beginnings of Potential. Ground Zero.
This all started on the 28th of March 2018 when Anais ‘Naysy’ Riley posted this tweet:
My curiosity was piqued and having never met nor interacted with Naysy, I had only the image of her that was presented online. I was intrigued by her tweet. A call for women in our industry? I’m in. A Twitch viewer had @’d me underneath her tweet and I tweeted back my reply in interest.
The morning of the 28th of May 2018 arrives and I open the email I had been looking forward to receiving:
Finally! A community of women coming together, supporting and empowering each other. I was so excited to just get in there and talk to everyone, discuss the serious issues that we face as women in society, and support my fellow community members. I was ready.
I dove into that server like an athlete on the high dive. I mainly kept to the NSW and discussion channels. I was interacting with fellow members every day and was genuinely happy to be there. Then, on the 10th of July 2018, a Twitch Clip comes across my Twitter feed that, upon watching, made me feel sick to my stomach. Anyone who is a part of the Oceanic streamer community will know exactly what
clip I am referring to after seeing the following screencaps:
I was adamant to let everyone know that there was no ill will or malicious intent towards our fellow member who had been proposed to (she had been a willing, accepting, and consenting participant after all and there was nothing wrong about that), my uneasiness had come from how the proposal had been worded, how it had been framed, how the situation had been set, and how I had seen and experienced those same manipulations in my past.
And just like that, I was transported back to 2008, to a time that still haunts me to this day…
“I thought now might be a good time to do it, because you can’t back out.”
I recall Pranav saying, as he secretly twisted my wrist for me to comply, out of sight from my family. I ended up having one of the biggest fights I have ever had with my parents, moving out to be with Pranav, only for him to twist the situation and say how he and his parents were disgusted that I had come from a ‘broken home’ (that he was the cause of). I moved back in with my parents a week later.
“… and with all these people watching, you can’t back out…” I recall being made to follow every single instruction. I’m crying as I type this. As women, we are taught from a young age to not ‘make a scene’. It’s this very instruction that enables us to be manipulated in public when we’re not strong enough, brave enough, defiant
enough, to say no. To push him away, to scream, to cry for help. And even then, sometimes that isn’t enough. Just because you’ve become stronger, braver, more defiant, doesn’t mean you won’t freeze up when it happens again. It just means the chances of it happening again may decrease ever so slightly.
Kalliste and Pureleeawesome had raised valid points about the person who was proposed to being in the same server, so I clarified this was never about talking of her as if to gossip or to speak ill of her. I had only had pleasant interactions with her and to this day have nothing bad to say about her.
Maid Mama raised another valid point about where we could discuss issues like this on the server. And Ezza had expanded on it; “…regarding the tough topics discussions, we should be able to have them no matter if it promoted by (sic) a video from trump or an oceanic womanz community member. I think having a discussion about a situation is different to having a discussion about a person. From above I do not see a member of the community being discussed in a non-supportive or malicious manner, but more about the situation presented. From the beginning it was clear that it wasn’t a personal attack at all.”
Even Briijay had said she “didn’t believe there was any misintent at all”. And truly, there was none.
But Naysy had dropped in a message that left me feeling shut down.
After these interactions on the server, I decided to reach out to Briijay and touch base.
From our exchange, I breathed a sigh of relief. I trusted that she had understood. I believed that she had. She had reassured me that she understood where I was coming from and that my intent was to actively participate in creating a more open space for deeper discussion of these serious topics that, as women, we needed to discuss.
Little did I know that this one act would put me on their radar.
Introducing Piebypie's Passive Aggressiveness, and DrGamerGirl.
So I continued on, interacting within the server. Oblivious. Happy to contribute to conversations whenever I could, at all hours of the day. This was a place I thought I could call home, so I would interact and participate as much as possible. I honestly didn’t even bat an eyelid when DrGamerGirl entered and started describing how she needed help learning how to apply makeup. This was a place where we could all come to for support. I was one of the first of us to reply back in exclamation, that YES! We would totally help you out and help you SSLLLAAAAYYY GUUURRRLLL! YAAASSSSS KKWWWEEEEENNN!!
My mentality going into that friendship was one of protectiveness and maternal instinct. I may not have social anxiety in my GAD kit but I have enough empathy and experience to know it damn well sucks when you’re feeling like an outcast or an outsider, and I wanted DrGamerGirl to know that she was more than welcome.
That she was now here with her new family.
That she was home.
I invited her into a messenger group that I had set up with around 6 other people in order to utilize the ‘engagement pod’ strategy for twitter that had been used by other influencers on instagram. The principle being that if the group likes and engages with every single member’s posts, that collectively, your analytics improve through the engagement. Amongst the members apart from DrGamerGirl were Kistrix, Mivaro, Leeshgaems, Leishaaa321, and Skylxrk.
At the time piebypie was one of the admins in the discord server (if not the main admin). I had never met her IRL prior to joining WomANZ and my interactions with her had been neutral to non-existent up until this point. But something was obviously up, as I had now started to be on the receiving end of a decent amount of passive-aggressive leadership.
You know, I have to say; I’m not exactly the type of person to just accept someone being passive-aggressive to me. I hate that bullshit. It’s toxic. It’s belittling. It’s patronizing. And in no way, shape, or form should a supportive and open leadership style include it. Yet I was faced with someone who either appeared to have a really fucked up attitude problem or really didn’t like me for some reason.
So, I did what I normally do in those situations. I laughed. I laughed at this sad person resorting to being passive-aggressive to get their ego boosted for their power trip. I laughed at her behavior. I felt sorry for her, but if I wasn’t going to see the hilarity in the situation then there is no hope.
But I will say this. I NEVER made fun of her mental health. I NEVER made fun of her personality. As someone who has her own demons, you just don’t do that. I admit, I’m not perfect. Not by a long shot…. But it would seem DrGamerGirl would do just that little bit extra:
“I don’t watch her streams, didn’t even know who she was, that’s how entertaining she is… she has the personality of a piece of wet cardboard… she is so cringey”
I mean, to each their own right?
“I can not stand her, I watched her stream for 5mins and wanted to kill myself”
This comment from DrGamerGirl especially stings considering during our first meetup at KBBQ I had confided in the group that I had attempted suicide a little over a year ago at the time. Like, contextually, you don’t joke about those things.
It was during this time, two things had been simultaneously happening:
1. Piebypie was continuing to show her ‘leadership style’ as hyper passive-aggressive and;
2. DrGamerGirl started exhibiting some behavior that would make not only me, but other members of the engagement pod uncomfortable.
That second point right there. I kick myself every time I see the screenshots I’m about to show you. Because they were red flags. Red flags I didn’t notice because I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt. Red flags I didn’t consider at the time because I just thought DrGamerGirl might genuinely be that naive… But she isn’t.
There were multiple instances where DrGamerGirl would display blatant Asian fetishization:
I have learned that she takes advantage of the goodwill of others in order to get away with usually intolerable behavior. I have learned that no matter what, if she can, she will make every situation about herself. I have learned… she feeds off of playing the victim.
On the 26th of August DrGamerGirl takes it upon herself to (as she says in the screenshot above) ‘raid piebypie passive aggressive style’. None of us had asked her to do so. I immediately realized, no, don’t contribute to piebypie’s analytics. And sure, we made fun of her behavior within the privacy of the group conversation. But publicly? This isn’t fucking 2004. We’re not in the movie Mean Girls. You don’t pull that passive-aggressive shit on a person. No matter how much you dislike them. Well, at least I thought so. Which is why I immediately agreed when Mivaro voiced her concern.
She was 100% right. Piebypie had and was going through some stuff. Whatever it was. Facing her demons we knew nothing about. I understood. And so we agreed, and the topic was dropped.
The 30th of August 2018. DrGamerGirl’s behavior was getting more and more neurotic. Paranoid. No matter how much the group tried to placate her, there was always this feeling that it wasn’t enough. I didn’t realize at the time, but that sentiment would be 100% accurate:
Whilst her behavior continued to get worse. I had taken initiative within the NSW channel of the WomANZ server to start planning a meetup seeing as no official ones had been announced since launch. The ladies had lamented, and I answered their call:
Am I dramatically performative in those screenshots? Yes.
Did I have a tendency to use an excessive amount of all caps? Hell yes (still do).
But I wanted everyone to get excited because I wanted to help take initiative and start planning what they had wanted. Now, if you were an admin within the community, and you saw your girls coming together in excitement to plan their own little meetup, wouldn’t you say something along the lines of, “Great to see the initiative, everyone! Please let the admin team know if there’s anything we can help or assist with and we’ll do the best we can. We’d also like to let you know that we do have some official meetups in the works too, so stay tuned for that!”? Well, I would think so. But as we’ve established earlier that kind of messaging didn’t/doesn’t exactly align with piebypie’s leadership style. Instead, what the ladies and myself received, was the following:
So… how were the girls to know that there was a meetup if piebypie had only made the ‘announcement’ JUST THEN? The passive-aggressiveness was obvious, palpable, and didn’t foster an environment of taking initiative at all.
Throughout the time leading up to the meetup, piebypie’s passive-aggressive behavior increased. At one point quite literally saying “I got this thanks”, and when asked if she wanted to take over the event, replied with, “Nope I just pinned the post”… but you had literally just said that you had ‘got this’. Her complete disengagement and lack of collaboration would result in our friend Niki accidentally
going to the wrong Pancakes restaurant and not the one that had been discussed (due to piebypie ‘pinning’ the wrong restaurant address onto the NSW channel of the server).
Again! Whilst all that was going on, in the following days the girls and I had started to notice a pattern in piebypie’s tweets as they graced our timelines.
And that’s when we noticed it. Piebypie was no longer an admin in the WomANZ server. There had been absolutely no announcement to the community either. I voiced my concern to the girls in our group chat and confirmed it with screenshots:
It was almost subtle, but I wasn’t taking any chances… I don’t care who you are, if there might be something wrong, I’m going to damn reach out. Even if you don’t know me. Even if you hate me. Even if you loathe me. So on the 30th of August 2018, reach out I did. Regardless of how she might think of me:
As I had predicted, to this day, I still haven’t received a reply to those messages.
Are We Going to Pancakes Today?
The day of the meet up arrives and on that morning of the 1st of September at 11:18AM DrGamerGirl messages our group chat:
What? Exactly why would piebypie say she ‘doesn’t feel safe and feels like she would be bullied…’? Of all my actual interactions with her I had never talked down to her, made jokes at her expense, or ‘bullied’ her. Hell, on the afternoon of the Women In Games Lunch after the event I had actually offered to give her a ride home (those who know me, know very well that I almost ALWAYS (99.9% of the time) drive to events and offer/give people lifts home. Even if it’s in the opposite direction of where I live. I believe in people being safe… even to the detriment of my wallet as I use up my petrol).
So I proceeded to call out the claim that DrGamerGirl had started the morning’s conversation with. I showed her the screencaps (shown above) of my reaching out to piebypie when I had been concerned about her tweets and no longer being an admin on the WomANZ discord.
Where did DrGamerGirl’s conversation with piebypie take place anyway? I needed to know what was said. How on earth did this even happen?… Eventually, through multiple messages, I managed to finally get DrGamerGirl to tell me that she had been speaking to piebypie on stream, literally just then. I immediately went to piebyepie’s Twitch channel to seek out the VOD, and the conversation.
What I witnessed was DrGamerGirl proceeding to feed piebypie’s paranoia to the nth degree. Here’s the VOD from that morning (apologies for the lower quality of the video, a friend captured this for me), and the following are DrGamerGirl’s messages in chat with Piebypie’s verbal responses.
DrGamerGirl: are you going to pancakes today?
Piebypie: Am I going to pancakes today? No… there’s been enough drama already associated with that. I don’t… I don’t really need to go there and cop it to my face…”
‘Cop’ what exactly? Us trying to be civil during a meetup that the ladies wanted? Please elaborate on what you’re trying to imply here.
DrGamerGirl: I was looking forward to meeting you. We can meet next week. (the official meet was the next Saturday)
Piebypie: Umm yeah… yeah, I don’t know. Not sure what my involvement’s gonna be with uhh the whole situation going on right now…. It would have been nice to meet you too, but I got a lot of reservations. Umm in regards to these in-person things…. When I’m like targeted for h- Umm targeted by people in groups and whatnot like I don’t, I don’t wanna like put myself in a position where I can be further targeted so…
DrGamerGirl: I noticed some of the girls were giving you a hard time and know in private that I have raised it with individuals.
Piebypie: Thank you, I appreciate that. Umm… yeah, I honestly don’t feel safe going.
What were we going to do? Shank her? Push her into the street? I understand when your anxiety messes with you, your brain can take you to some dark places, but this was ridiculous.
Piebypie: I also don’t wanna be in a position where I owe someone money and have to bank transfer them to pay them back. That
does NOT make me feel safe either.
DrGamerGirl: I don’t like that arrangement either.
DrGamerGirl was saying that she was uncomfortable with owing someone money but had absolutely no problem paying me back immediately for getting the bill at KBBQ the very first time we met? I literally have the transaction receipt for it.
DrGamerGirl: I don’t tolerate bullying in any format.
Piebypie: Look I- I don’t either umm… we don’t put up with it in my chat.
Piebypie: … If you only knew what was happening in the behind the scenes as well, anyway *she trails off*
DrGamerGirl: did you want me to raise the fact that you don’t feel safe in person at the meet, I will stomp out bullies IRL, I am not afraid… I don’t want anyone to feel like that, I know how it can be.
Piebypie: Uhh… no, it’s really something that I should be dealing with. It’s just that I don’t have the- I don’t have the strength to do it right now. It’s all about picking your battles, right?
DrGamerGirl was speaking like this. As if she herself hadn’t been messaging the group chat about how she couldn’t stand piebypie and wanted to kill herself because she found piebypie boring, As in the screenshots shown previously.
DrGamerGirl: girl, if you ever need any support, know I got your back. I definitely think you should come to one of the meets.
LW88: who the hell does that kind of thing anymore? We’re fucking adults. Or we’re supposed to be Jesus Christ… I think you should go too.
Piebypie: You know what? Lots of people aren’t actually adults, I’ve learnt. They’re- they’re just faking it… I’m not going to go today.
Nah nah nah, denitely not going today…. Path of Exile is more important to me than someone else’s uhh ‘complex’… I just- like it
really upsets me that that’s, that it’s- that it’s happened, and it’s happening to me, and that umm other people are seeing it and not feeling safe because it’s not being addressed.
DrGamerGirl: I know who you are talking about ‘complex’. I agree.
I have my faults. But I wasn’t the womANZ admin lording over members by power tripping and being passive-aggressive.
DrGamerGirl: I’ll pm you gorgeous. This is not the platform to discuss it.
Piebypie: Look, I mean, I’m not talking about it in a (sic) obvious way but, probably not a good spot to do it.
But you had no problems egging her on and stirring the pot so to speak, during her stream.
DrGamerGirl throughout her entire time in piebypie’s stream continually ‘stirred that damn pot’. So I called her out on it. Here’s both group chat log from that morning and my own DMs with DrGamerGirl during the incident:
(click to expand)
Her continual insistence on playing the victim was taking its toll. No matter how we phrased it, she was seeing every answer as a personal attack. I decided to respond through video messages instead, in order to better convey tone and intention.
It still wasn’t enough.
And so later that day, the group chat received this message from her, as if she hadn’t just imploded on us mere hours prior.
We decided to go ahead with the meetup anyway as we had women looking forward to it.
All I could think of for the rest of the day and for the rest of the weekend was that damn conversation. Trying and trying to get DrGamerGirl to see reason. No, you weren’t being attacked. We were addressing the concerns you had brought up in the first place. Not gonna lie though, Leishaaa321’s default setting is a high sass. But, DrGamerGirl had been our friend for a few weeks now, surely they would have understood? Turns out, the answer is a huuuuuge NOPE.
The next day I received the last message I would ever receive from DrGamerGirl:
The way she was speaking in that message… Would end up being the complete opposite to how she would proceed to behave in the following months. Running to the WomANZ admin team to assist them in creating a smear campaign against me that would attempt to destroy my career and reputation.
I had the rest of the weekend to process what had happened, and on Monday 3rd of September 2018 I reached out to Naysy. I had continually seen her public support of others within the community on Twitter and felt safe to seek out her advice and support on the situation. Hoping I could receive help or at least a way for the situation to be addressed with the truth. Unfortunately, 2 days later, the response I received was far from it:
I also started to realize, just how much DrGamerGirl had twisted, and manipulated the entire situation. I saw her host/raid piebypie during the weekend and be more ‘friendly’ to her on Twitter than she had ever been when she was ‘friends’ with me. I reached out to piebyepie. As I say in the screenshot; I don’t care if you dislike me or you outright hate me. If we are a part of the same community, the same industry, the same family, I’m going to protect you. Because honestly, fuck anyone who tries to hurt the greater good of our home for their own gain.
But I would receive no response.
Mivaro Shows Her True Colors
On two separate occasions, Mivaro also displayed passive-aggressive behavior towards me on the server. The first incident occurred on the 11th of September 2018 and referred to an Esports Conference that had popped up in the industry:
The second incident occurred on the 13th of September 2018. A game developer who had worked on the latest Spider-Man game had used manipulative public proposal tactics in order to paint his ex-girlfriend as a horrible person. I brought it up in the discussion channel, thinking that we could discuss it considering we weren’t talking about a fellow member and maybe, just maybe, having more experience on broaching the subject, we could explore it more.
She continued her passive-aggressiveness. Consistently attempting to invalidate my messages no matter how I tried to explain… despite the fact that just last month Mivaro had said she recalls the initial conversation of the proposal back in July. So for all intents and purposes, she should have understood. She should have remembered my trauma. It wasn’t until another community member had brought it up that she softened up. Barely.
She had accused me of targeting our fellow community member when I distinctly remember that she had DM’d me during the initial conversation in complete understanding of where I was coming from. So I knew in that instant; She knew damn well what she was doing at this point.
The person who I had thought understood my intentions within the community, my past pain and trauma, had accused me of the very thing I was fighting against.
I wasn’t having any of it. We had exchanged DMs back when the situation with DrGamerGirl went down and I had thought we were good.
I wasn’t going to let this slide just so she could stroke her superiority complex with her passive-aggressiveness. I confronted her on the server. Then and there… and she decided to flip and play the victim. Play it she did. And I was scolded in front of everyone in the channel on the server. Whereas Mivaro’s behavior was left unchecked… and she would later become Community Manager.
The whole night, I thought about it. The entire situation didn’t sit right with me. I had decided to confront the person who was exhibiting passive-aggressive and invalidating behavior towards me so they could be held accountable for their actions and instead I was the one who was scolded like an immature child. So, the next day on the 14th of September 2018, I reached out to Briijay as I had done in the past and told her as much:
To this day no reply has been given to that DM. Only the cold realization that they were creating this horrible narrative with the aim to ‘destroy me’.
Sentenced to be Burned at the Stake Without A Fair Trial. The Start of my Public Vilification.
A few days later on the 19th of September 2018, as I waited patiently to have my leg injury scanned, I received a DM from Naysy.
Once again I was shattered. I was crushed. Heartbroken. And so I replied as such. For someone to advertise themselves to be so much about support and empowerment, that message was anything but. Support and empowerment. The two most used words they would use to describe what they wanted to bring to our community and they had not only turned their backs on me… But they would end up making me their villain…
The following is a conversation I was able to obtain from the WomANZ server. This conversation occurred the day of my being kicked out. It presents to you, dear reader, Briijay’s attempts at navigating queries as to why I was no longer in the server.
Let’s be clear, the rules originally posted by Naysy when the server rst opened were still the rules even up until the 7th of November when I had last checked them then… However, (writing this bit of the essay on the 27th of May 2019) we can see that the rules channel have had some changes.
And so it began, I had been kicked out when I hadn’t even been shown the evidence of exactly what screenshots I had been accused of sharing (I’m not denying it, but that isn’t the issue here). I had been accused of harassment when I hadn’t been shown the evidence of said harassment. Where was the evidence? Where was my right to give context? Apparently, there was none, and I had none. So in their eyes, that was that.
I was now public enemy numero uno. They had officially made me their villain. Hunted their witch and attempted to burn her at the stake publicly. They had passed judgment without trial amongst their clique, and thus, their followers, and it showed on Twitter:
So let’s break this down:
Maediocre… you’ve literally only spent time with me IRL a grand total of TWICE. Both times we barely spoke to each other. The first time was actually after an ESL event where we went to a pub near Star Casino with a few League of Legends casters. Amongst us were Rusty, Fish, Pulse, and Dom. I remember that night. I started snapchatting stories because that is what I do during social times. You told me that if I was ‘going to snap the boys, avoid showing them drinking because they have to keep a certain image for their jobs’. Which I completely understood, and that was that for our interactions for the evening. Our second encounter was at SMASH!
Convention 2018 where we literally made small talk and you gave me a NoGameNoLife poster for signing up to some email newsletter. So how could you POSSIBLY genuinely know me unless you were receiving biased accounts and lies about me? Hmmm…
Oh and Raejayy, how dare you call the smear campaign happening towards me ‘petty drama’. You are a MOTHER, and you’re going to subtweet about the situation as if you know the entire story? You have never met me IRL. Not once. If someone was running a smear campaign and damaging the reputation of your child would you call it ‘petty drama’? If your child was being villainized to the point of it potentially damaging their career and was seeking for justice to be served, would you tell them to not air out their dirty laundry, and call it ‘petty drama’?
The Twitch Sydney Meetup
Seen above, the 20th of September 2018 sees DrGamerGirl reply to a tweet with what would end up being a very hypocritical statement in less than a fortnight…
The 29th of September 2018 comes around and it’s the evening of the Twitch Sydney Meetup at Kingpin Bowling at Harbourside. I attend and hang out with a group of around 9 friends while mingling with others. DrGamerGirl is there. For the sake of not making a scene or ‘causing drama’, we proceed to ignore her. DrGamerGirl however, had other plans. She walks right up to some members of the group, where I wasn’t, and started talking to our friends as if she wasn’t making the whole situation really awkward for them. I went to get drinks with Kistrix (I got water) because I was uncomfortable with DrGamerGirl acting so blasé. When we come back to the group, I sit back down (I was still very much injured at this point of the year) and Kistrix joins the others standing near our table. Kistrix and I were then told that what DrGamerGirl had said to Skylxrk, who had relayed the abhorrent statement to ithinkitmightbe and Jet Shepard, “How dare she show up with an ass like that. What does she expect me to do with that in front of me?” whilst Kistrix was leaned forward against a table.
“Her ass is amazing, we should make it the mascot of Twitch Sydney so we can attract more people so I can get laid.”
Was I hearing this correctly? The person whose red flags I hadn’t noticed until she had manipulated the situation with piebypie was making lewd comments about Kistrix. No, this was more than just ‘lewd’. In the context of their connection to each other, this was sexual harassment. And I’ll elaborate; Up until that evening DrGamerGirl had never even met Kistrix IRL, and the times that she had visited Kistrix’s stream, inappropriate comments had also been made (for example, DrGamerGirl telling Kistrix that it was such a shame that Kistrix was married, otherwise she would have her). But never to this level. ithinkitmightbe and I were stunned.
Don’t make a scene.
We’re conditioned throughout our entire lives.
Don’t make a scene.
So we didn’t.
We were all just- there. Awkwardly attempting to be ‘nice’ but allowing DrGamerGirl to drift to another person or group at the event. When two of my friends at the time and I started mingling with Mitchiijohn, one of them exclaimed, “Oh YOU’RE Mitchii!”. Thing is, Mitchiijohn had no idea what my friend was on about so the rest of their exchange went like this:
M: What? How do you know me?
L: Oh, you came here with DrGamerGirl.
M: Err, no I didn’t. I came here by myself.
L: … That’s not what DrGamerGirl was telling people. She mentioned it on our friend’s stream.
We show Mitchiijohn the screenshot.
M: What the fuck? Who- I don’t even know who that is.
L: DrGamerGirl. They’re right over there in the pink beanie *points discreetly*
M: I’m going to talk to them later. What the hell, I don’t know them.
I exchange glances with my friend and we return to our group as Mitchiijohn proclaims he’s going to the bar to get another drink.
I order curly fries.
Later on in the evening in the corner of my eye, I could see Mitchiijohn approach DrGamerGirl decently out of earshot. When asked later on, Mitchiijohn would go on to say (and by this point they were at least a little inebriated), “Awh I just told them, ‘Look don’t talk about other people ok? Like if you don’t know them keep it real.” and yeh, that’s it.” With that said, he walked away to go mingle with some other friends.
I finish my curly fries.
The entire time we were at the event, I would catch DrGamerGirl looking at me regardless of my position in the room.
I never spoke a word to her.
DrGamerGirl left the event before our groups (we didn’t end up leaving until the entire event had finished). And we proceeded to discover on Twitter, once again, that she was twisting a narrative that simply wasn’t true. They were playing the victim:
Several witnesses can attest to the fact that she did not leave the event ‘in tears’.
Dan (Kistrix’s husband) was not at all pleased with what had happened. And a member of the Twitch Sydney admin team responded swiftly.
And the next day, the response from the Twitch Sydney account was prompt.
Twitch Sydney’s stance was one of ‘zero tolerance’ and the Oceanic community would later learn that this incident would be the catalyst for Twitch Sydney using mandatory registrations to monitor attendees for future events.
Shaken and Slandered
After the event, Kistrix had confided in myself and to the others that had witnessed the harassment, her feelings of uneasiness and discomfort had started to increase since the event. So since both her and DrGamerGirl were members of WomANZ, she went to the one person she should have been able to go to for support. She decided to reach out to Naysy.
Honestly, when she showed me that screenshot? I wanted to SCREAM. My entire body up until now still has this inexplicable urge to just scream into the void until my vocal cords give out.
On the 3rd of October, a couple of things happened.
Briijay took it upon herself to do ‘damage control’, and by that I mean, play the victim and twist the narrative to make it seem like she was receiving unwarranted harassment. No. There is a difference between seeking to hold people accountable for their actions (or in this case, inaction) and ACTUAL harassment.
Funny how you gladly remove the context of the entire situation in order to validate this little pity party of a Twitter thread, just so you can seem like the better person. Let me tell you something, Yours and Naysy’s negligence as self-appointed leaders within our community completely warrants all of you being called out. This isn’t some vendetta with zero reasons behind it. My own reputation be damned honestly. You have the safety of your community members on the line and rather than face the music, you cry wolf and invalidate anyone who isn’t sucking up to you.
Our friend SKYLXRK, having been close friends with Kistrix for over 10 years, felt just as frustrated at seeing how Briijay and Naysy continued to attempt to wash their hands of the situation, refusing to take any action.
And on the 12th of October 2018, Kistrix decided to give it one last final try to reach out within the WomANZ server to the admins and fellow members. Mivaro now as admin, proceeds to delete the majority of the evidence. I managed to get the following exchange that occurred immediately after Kistrix’s departure:
Kistrix left the server distraught, and like I was, heartbroken. She would proceed to have regular anxiety attacks for the next couple of months due to these events. In the aftermath of Kistrix’s treatment by the WomANZ team, an anonymous victim came forward to Skylxrk detailing her own incidents surrounding DrGamerGirl:
And honestly, a big part of me blames myself. I couldn’t help but think; If they hadn’t associated Kistrix with me, would she have been supported better? If she wasn’t my friend, would they still have handled the situation the way that they did?
All I know is that I grew increasingly frustrated with the entire situation, and with each passing day I felt more and more helpless. These ‘leaders’ continually presented the community with the words ‘support’ and ‘empowerment’. But there was none.
During Scrivo's Downfall
The 1st of November arrives and our community is hit with the news that Scrivo (at the time, the head of the biggest stream team/community in Oceania (Down Under)) has been called out for racism and verbal abuse, and sexual assault.
My heart ached as I saw Naysy and Briijay proceed to publicly support and stand by KTLODO and Munchbot… Where was this support when Kistrix had come to them, seeking guidance and assistance? I’m pretty sure I actually screamed out loud that day. Hard.
I hated the hypocrisy. I hated the blatant disregard of someone who had been a member of their community, who had come to them in their hour of need. Only to be told to “take appropriate action to mitigate the situation happening again.” The hypocrisy that neither KTLODO nor Munchbot had to endure. But Kistrix did (and neither KTLODO, Munchbot OR Kistrix deserve how Naysy spoke to Kistrix. No one does).
… and then the next day, someone outside my ‘circle’ spoke out:
I didn’t know how many people would believe me. But an outsider? Surely. Unfortunately, the whole situation continued. The leaders of WomANZ refused to show any empathy.
On the 12th of November 2018, as our feelings of frustration and helplessness grew, more people decided to weigh in on a situation they had only seen the surface of, either that, or they were adamant to join in with the ever-growing ‘clique’ that had formed to condemn me and any action I took or word I said.
Kistrix and myself, were very quickly losing faith in the supposed ‘leaders’ within the Oceanic games industry. Partnered streamers gaslighting us, tone policing us, not believing us. And their most loyal followers, stepping in to back them up in a situation they had absolutely no idea about or they had been fed some twisted falsified version of it.
The Cowardly Betrayal
We didn’t know what to do. I ended up brainstorming in our group of friends that had been witnesses to the sexual harassment and DrGamerGirl’s manipulations, about how to get the truth out there. Suggestions of a blog post (like this one), Twitter thread essay, and even a YouTube video came up. When the suggestion of the video was raised, two ‘friends’ in our group showed their true colors.
Leesh: …It’s not worth the possible career suicide for those involved. Everything will come to the surface but now is not that time. Bide
your time. Watch and wait. Karma will work its way around, it always does…
I couldn’t give two shits about my career if I knew damn well that people were suffering from trauma from a situation that I could give them justice for. And yes, everything WILL come to the surface. But if I were to do as you suggested back then… people would literally be getting away with this shit. Do you not realize that? WE are the ones that hold the evidence, no one else. Pray tell, how would you
expect for it all to come out if not from us?
Leisha: I am with Leesh on this, I also wish not to be mentioned and will step down from OPXLA
Threatening betrayal as a means to keep this quiet… when they had already made up their minds.
Leesh: My understanding is that most of this would be sorted when Xan has her meeting with Brii to resolve this.
That meeting never fucking came.
Leesh: Xan (Kistrix) reached out to me herself and fully understood the situation and understands why I cannot offer support right now…
… and all that good faith you lied to garner was ruined the moment you took up a moderator position in ‘GroupUp’.
Leesh: … both of you have been keeping plans from the rest of the team…I’m hurt that you both felt the need to keep information from me even before I left the group chats…
Nope. Perpetually in her victim status. The reason she hadn’t been aware of pieces of information wasn’t that we were ‘keeping plans’ from people, it was because SHE HAD LEFT THE GROUP CHAT. Even Kistrix will attest to the fact that we hid NOTHING. All our brainstorming and potential plans, we laid to bare in the group chat that SHE had left due to her mental health. Which we had understood at the time, but now she was using that ignorance of hers against us.
All Skylxrk had done was call them out on their behavior and thus, give them the opportunity to choose to leave if they so desired….
Leisha: You wanted us to run away? Here you fucking go. Good job ruining this.
… they practically jumped at the opportunity.
We would get word from a close friend that these two ended up apologizing to Briijay for ‘associating with Milky’. When Kistrix found out, she was distraught. These two women had been witnesses to her sexual harassment and by their very apology had, just like that, invalidated her lived experience just so they could remain in the social good graces of those deemed ‘in power’.
That is how insidious the current power dynamics in our oceanic community are. No one dare speak out against the current ‘popular’ personalities (or anyone in their friendship group for that matter), lest they be shunned, never progress in their career socially… or vilified as I have been.
The Smear Campaign Continues...
Fast forward to our attempts to ‘move on’. Even though, I knew very well in my heart that just simply ‘moving on’ wasn’t right. Yet, we attempted to persist in exactly that. No matter how much our hearts ached.
I continued work on a passion project of mine, for our industry; OPXLA. A company looking after a community of the same name, with the aim to bring about a positive impact on the geek culture industries and communities through events and collaborations with endemic and non-endemic companies, brands, and charitable organizations. (It’s a mouthful, isn’t it?)
On the 9th of February 2019, we posted a ‘teaser’ tweet of sorts and thusly, received our first reply tweet.
My heart sank as I read it, “reads like a cult”. But of course the internet still needs a lot of work and as such, we still have trolls. So I
swallowed that gut feeling that was starting to rise up and thought nothing of it as I replied light-heartedly with a Scientology reference.
But no. @tonystark23 (who we would later identify as SammyAUS) would continue to persist in her quest to take down a company that hadn’t even launched yet. What follows is her “breakdown” of OPXLA’s media release about launching. If you’d like to reference the actual media release while reading the tweets click here.
(unfortunately, the opxla website was completely nuked by Skylxrk in an act of betrayal i hadn't seen coming. i had to scramble to change the passwords to all the opxla social media accounts but it was too late for some - the twitter got eviscerated, and the resources spreadsheet in the google drive i'd shared with him that i had created and worked on too - he deleted.)
I don’t care who you are, your ethnicity, age, your damn zip code, or your gender. Harassment is harassment is harassment. And yet here we had @tonystark23 rewriting the narrative of Kistrix’s sexual harassment (they weren’t even a witness), and quite literally going on a vendetta against a company that, I repeat, hadn’t even launched yet.
When Kistrix saw the beginnings of @tonystark23’s smear campaign, she had an anxiety attack. Her housemate and our friend, Jordan was frustrated and at this point, angry. He had witnessed first hand, the ramifications of Naysy, Briijay, Mivaro, and Sammy’s callousness and disregard for the sexual harassment Kistrix had experienced and he had had enough.
I watched as he and another close friend of Kistrix’s confronted @tonystark23 on Twitter. Tweeting replies as fast as @tonystark23 could post up her slanderous tweets.
Both of them were fueled with all the frustration of seeing a friend they consider as family, be so hurt by the leading members of the community they had called home. Out of frustration and the audacity of the situation, one of the friends turned to trolling tactics towards @tonystark23. It wasn’t pretty. And it wasn’t what I wanted. I made the decision to distance myself from that friend who didn’t understand that this was more than ‘trolling trolls on the internet’. This was about trying to knock some sense into people who had dug in their heels regarding us as ‘the enemy’.
I stepped in at one point when a user mentioned that they couldn’t wait for “OPXLA to declare holy war against WomANZ”.
No. There wasn’t going to be any stupid ‘holy war’. All we wanted was for people to be held accountable for their actions (and in the case of Naysy and Briijay, a lack of).
By this point, I was breaking out in hives at least twice a week. Here are some photos.
I had developed ulcers (both mouth and stomach) and seemed to be having an anxiety attack at least every second day from the smear campaign that was raging on to now include my company. I realize now, it had never ceased, it only went underground. Waiting for the opportune moment to hurt me the most. Waiting for the time when they could remind everyone who they had chosen as their villain.
I decided I wasn’t going to let their attempts at a smear campaign tarnish the work of what we want to achieve with OPXLA. So I pushed forward. I figured, I’ll invite as many people in our industry as possible. Everyone. If they’re going to pretend like everything is peachy fucking keen on the surface, but continue these underhanded tactics just below the surface, then so be it.
I extended an invitation to the launch party to several Oceanic esports organizations, TeamOCE, TwitchSydney, and even shot an email through to the WomANZ community email.
Not too long after, a friend showed me this:
What? Are you kidding? You’re going to deny an ENTIRE COMMUNITY the opportunity to attend an industry party (if they so choose) all because you narcissistically believe the email is for you? Briijay, I don’t even know your fucking personal email. The entire tweet… hey, you gotta give them props for consistency. The entire tweet continued the pattern of gaslighting that Briijay had started all the way back in September 2018. It was now February 2019. Almost 6 whole months of gaslighting torture. I addressed her damned tweet:
We continued on with the launch party anyway. People told me stories of how they were told not to come. How their friends didn’t want to be associated with OPXLA because it would hurt their opportunities within WomANZ. Hell, people were even spreading a lie about me supposedly being anti-trans (and that’s why I apparently left WomANZ) to people so they wouldn’t attend the launch party.
I couldn’t. My anxiety and nervousness about the evening had already skyrocketed. I focused on running the event and making sure everyone had a great time.
Briijay Continues Her Love for Self-Pity Parties
Then this happened:
People trying to hold you accountable for your bullshit isn’t harassment.
People trying to hold you accountable for your bullshit isn’t harassment.
People trying to hold you accountable for your bullshit isn’t harassment.
Also, “9 months” would imply that the entire time you were having understanding and agreeable DMs with me about the initial public proposal discussion, that you considered that harassment. I’ve included our DMs earlier in this essay, in case you’ve forgotten. You say I “use every tactic in the book to lie”, you must be looking in the mirror. Because I’ve done nothing but be upfront with everyone and everything. Inclusive of all my flaws. I’m guessing that disconcerts you.
I wasn’t going to let you indulge in rallying your followers together for yet another ‘Briijay Pity party’ at my expense. But I was running out of energy it seemed and wouldn’t be able to do anything about it until later.
I’m honestly just so goddamn tired of people wanting to place themselves on top of others in a position of power and proceed to abuse the hell out of it and cock the entire thing up because they refuse to admit they aren’t qualified or they're way out of their league. I’m sick and tired of my ‘silence’ enabling them to say whatever they want in public and their audience blindly believing it to be true. Even though they’ve never shown the evidence of my supposed bullying and toxicity. At least, not within its true context like I’ve shown above (and will continue to do so below).
If Naysy and Briijay had shown even a smidgen more empathy and compassion to both myself and Kistrix, maybe things would have reached a different outcome. But the reality is within the words I’ve written here, and the evidence is within the screenshots above.
To date. those DMs haven’t been replied to. They would rather disengage from the situation privately instead of helping, and then publicly call me a toxic bully and villainize me. Continuing their attempts to excommunicate me from the community, and this industry which I call our home.
Looks Like We Have Some Visitors
Update on the 24th of May 2019: I had been stuck finishing this due to the psychological trauma this has all given me and I hate myself for it. But not anymore. I have to keep writing. I have to keep writing because as of a couple of days ago two more victims of DrGamerGirl have come forward. But let’s rewind a little bit, because they didn’t just come to us out of nowhere. There was a catalyst…
That catalyst was a snowball of me not tolerating my own half-assed bullshit anymore on speaking out and (on the 15th of May 2019) actually bringing up screenshots and receipts on stream for viewers to see for themselves. Hell, Briijay’s boyfriend Vondle (Partnered Twitch Streamer) came in to intimidate me into not showing the very DMs screenshots PROVING his girlfriend had been lying about
I showed so many damn screenshots and receipts that a person that had initially come into the stream to antagonize me finally realized that everything that she had heard about me, and thought about me, was wrong. She apologized. Whether she was genuine in her apology or not. I accepted wholeheartedly. (Yes, that’s SammyAUS aka @tonystark23, the individual who had so insistently attempted to slander OPXLA before it had even launched and a little after.)
So, someone who had been poisoned against me actually apologized. Vondle came into the stream to ‘intimidate’ me, failing spectacularly…
…And (on the 17th May 2019) during my next stream, Briijay herself popped in with what I can only describe as some “holier-than-thou bullshit”.
(in some sick twisted way - i have found peace. peace in knowing you are a variable in life that will never change how narcissistic you are, and that your horrid refusal to become a better person is not my responsibility. it is never a WOC responsibility to educate a white woman on her DARVO bs.)
Kistrix had been on and off lurking in the stream when this had occurred and when she was caught up on what Briijay had said, she responded too.
She never got a response back.
Skylxrk's 'Olive Branch'
How can the victims “find peace” when the perpetrator is still running rampant within the community with no repercussions? Skylxrk being a moderator of mine, witnessed Briijay’s message and decided to write her an open letter (seeing as she had blocked him on all social media).
So, if she hadn’t properly talked to the victim, nor the actual witnesses… then who the hell did she speak to? We were all livid. I swore to Kistrix that she was going to have justice.
(i'm still trying to make peace with the fact that nothing has been done and DrGamerGirl is still to this day, streaming, tweeting, and acting like they aren't a predator within the community.)
That letter extended an ‘olive branch’ of sorts. From Skylxrk to Briijay, so that they may talk about the situation and.. well, I shouldn’t have to repeat what’s in that letter. If you’ve made it this far, you better be reading this whole thing thoroughly. Alas, that night of Saturday the 18th of May 2019, at the Twitch Sydney meetup, the only thing Skylxrk and I received from Briijay was death stares from across the room. Apart from that, it was like we didn’t exist. And we weren’t exactly about to march over to her and ‘demand’ that she speak with us. We’d already seen how if we don’t act ‘just the way they want’ they’d twist it into an attack. The last thing we would want at an event that is considered ‘neutral ground’ is for her to cry wolf and claim we were ‘threatening her’.
So we left the event and a few days later I was outraged that Skylxrk had still not received a reply. Even though it had been proven from previous situations that Naysy, Briijay, Mivaro, and their friends had been monitoring our every move on social media so it’s not like Briijay hadn’t seen the open letter. She was just flat-out ignoring it. On the 23rd of May 2019, I posted these three tweets:
The Discovery of More Victims
I will always play fair. But I was done playing nice. How dare these women claim to be creating a safe space while they sat and did the bare minimum. And sure enough not even a few hours after tweeting out that thread, I received a Twitter DM from someone asking if we could talk; it was one of the two new victims of DrGamerGirl.
Fast forward to later that evening where Skylxrk and I would eventually spend over 7hrs on a voice call with these women. Showing us screenshot after screenshot of emotionally manipulative behavior by DrGamerGirl towards one of the victims (who, mind you, is just 18yrs old, having turned 18 just a month before they had started talking (DrGamerGirl is 33 yrs old)) and an attitude of emotional selfishness that made me sick to my stomach and reminded me of how my abusive first ex used to speak.
(the screenshots above are but a fraction of what used to be in the google drive. i have searched my drives several times over and i cannot find the rest that appear in the original essay. below is proof that there used to be more)
The second victim would go on to describe how DrGamerGirl exhibited a complete lack of respect of boundaries towards them sexually too:
I was and still am distraught that this had happened. If Naysy and Briijay has just put away their stupid biases against me and saw that there have been genuine victims in this situation (that aren’t themselves) then more victims wouldn’t have been created by their lack of action.
I call it negligence.
I’m not going to mince my words.
With this in mind, Skylxrk took the opportunity to once again try and reach out to Briijay directly, this time via a Discord DM instead of an open letter, to be sure that she would in fact receive it rather than relying on their monitoring of our social media channels.
I’m sure you’re surprised by this fact, dear reader, but once again his message was completely ignored.
My tweets and angry Instagram stories piqued the interest of a long-time friend and fierce advocate for women’s rights. She posted these images to her Instagram story:
She was just as infuriated at the entire situation. Then she started receiving DMs from a person who called themselves a friend of Naysy’s:
(read each column top to bottom, left to right)
Wait. So this poor guy was being fed the excuse that the reason why Naysy and Briijay weren’t doing anything was because I had “done something” to them in the past? Really ladies? You’re going to refuse to act on sexual harassment cases within your own community because of how you’ve painted me as a villain, so no matter what, nothing I say can be valid? Even when several people are continuing to support and back up these cases? Sorry, but that’s some fucked up petty ass childishly stubborn egotistical bullshit right there.
Because of their negligence and denial, we have a total of 5 victims of DrGamerGirl’s machinations; 4 of sexual harassment and psychological/emotional abuse. And 1 (myself) of a villainization that the leaders of WomANZ decided to run with in order to make themselves appear better.
The Smear Campaign Against Milky Continues
On Monday the 27th May 2019 Maediocre decided to take it upon herself to continue the crusade of a smear campaign, hell bent on labeling me as anti trans and transphobic.
Once again the tactic of clipping out the context of the rant within the video was being utilized. I’ll explain; It wasn’t a free pass FOR being different, it was about a free pass to be predatory because those affected are too afraid to speak up lest they’re labeled transphobic. The clip Maediocre had decided to use in order to smear my reputation is old… and for good reason. At the time Skylxrk and I had been looking into DrGamerGirl’s background to see just what was up with her. That’s when we discovered her old YouTube channel…
At the time we were confused and angry, and scared. I sought out two friends of mine who were within the LGBTQIA+ community and asked for their opinions on what we had found. I learned that some trans women, prior to transitioning (and even during) can and may still display internalized misogynistic behavior. That for some trans women, this can be difficult to break out of. I understood. It was a reason, but it wasn’t an excuse. But we had our reason for those videos and their titles.
Hence why that clip is 6 months old. Last time I checked though, it wasn’t required that I run Maediocre through every bit of personal growth I go through. Remember, I had only ever had a sliver of a conversation with this woman a total of two times.
I had been streaming at the time she had tweeted and so I called her out on stream to come to my channel so that I could pull up evidence and context in real-time for her to make more educated assumptions. But even when another community member tweeted a call to action for her, it fell on ears that had already made up their mind and refused to listen.
The next day we notice that Maediocre’s defamatory tweets were still up. That’s when we confirmed what we had suspected from the very beginning: the WomANZ admin team was displaying a double standard in the rules/guidelines they held for the rest of the community, in direct contradiction to the rules they held for themselves and their close friends. Which is to say, they act like they were above their own rules.
Maediocre’s tweets were in direct violation of the WomANZ community guidelines. Specifically; “7. This community does not promote or encourage “witch-hunting”. If someone has wronged you, we encourage you to ban and report. Do not encourage members of the community to hunt down the person and harass them online. These posts will be deleted if this occurs.”
Maediocre’s tweets were slander. She knew exactly what she was doing, claiming that I was/am ‘transphobic’. By placing herself in a victim position alongside the WomANZ admin team she was effectively calling upon her followers for help. The Twitter likes came in. Briijay herself had liked it. She endorsed the idea of ‘calling me out’’ for something that wasn’t true. I find it interesting that their behavior is half tolerated but half not by guideline number 3: “We do not tolerate any hateful conduct displayed on your public profiles that facilitates discrimination against religion, race, ethnicity, age, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation or disability.”
I don’t necessarily fit into the latter half of that guideline. But there was and is definitely hateful conduct being slung my way from the WomANZ admin team and their close friends.
Guideline 11 states, “Help us keep the community positive and productive. We’re always growing and learning and love feedback on how we can make WomANZ better. This is a collaborative initiative and can only grow from mixed insights and experiences.”
But if you’ve been keeping up so far, you’d know that guideline 11 is a straight-up lie. Launching a smear campaign against a former member you kicked out and slandering her name with lies is not keeping the community ‘positive and productive’. Ignoring constructive criticism and calls for change is not you ‘growing and learning’ and ‘loving feedback’.
Your guidelines may say you’re open to constructive criticism and feedback. But if you do not foster the environment that you say you do. You are essentially all talk and no walk.
And so, Maediocre suffered no repercussions for her ‘witch hunt’. The double standard was and is disgusting. And it is one that I fear won’t end anytime soon. (As of the 26th of June 2019, the tweet slandering me is still up and Maediocre still hasn’t had negative consequences for her actions)
Sadly, this favoritism/behavior is the complete opposite of what happened a few days following Maedi’s initial slanderous tweet, on the 1st of June…
About That 'Free Pass'
On the 28th of May 2019, Twitter user @KNinePepper tweeted a thread of tweets.
And on the 29th of May 2019 Mivaro must have seen her tweets because she decided to DM her:
Feel free to read that entire thing thoroughly for yourself (as I hope you’re doing with every single piece of evidence here) because I’m going to be addressing a specific quote from it.
Mivaro: The person that everyone is referring to is transitioning, we are trying to hear all sides of the story, hear all the voices if at all possible…
… Everyone remember Maediocre’s out-of-context clip attempting to condemn me as anti-trans? Here it was, bright as day. A member of the WomANZ admin team mentioning DrGamerGirl being trans as the reason they were giving her concessions. Again, I don’t care who you are, sexual harassment is sexual harassment and predatory behavior is predatory behavior. There. You have even MORE context for the clip that Maediocre posted attempting to double down on vilifying me.
As for trying to hear all sides of the story? After all the evidence I’ve just presented? Yeh, myself, and the (now several victims) are calling a big ‘ole bullshit on that one. You’ve done a pretty fucked up job tone policing, discrediting, and invalidating anything and everything I’ve said or they have said.
A Statement Full of Sh*t
On the 1st of June 2019, the WomANZ admin team released a statement that was filled with so many blatant lies, it was any wonder anyone actually believed what it was saying.
The following are the sentiments that I had in regards to specific points in their statement:
“We have been clear that the Admin and Support teams are not trained in dealing or providing support for mental health or serious issues. We have a wide range of resources and tools available to provide if these situations or issues are brought to our attention.”
You do not need ‘resources and tools’ to be a leader who shows some basic human decency and empathy. I’M not trained in dealing with or providing support for mental health or ‘serious’ issues, and yet I am able to provide a space and environment where the victims are GENUINELY heard, valid, and feel safe. I don’t just say that I do whilst continually exposing them to a predator.
“Our stance has always been: “we do not get involved with personal conflicts” unless there is a direct breach against our code of conduct.” and further down “We will not exile a member from our community based on hearsay and in turn ruining their reputation.”
But they’ll allow Maedi to be in direct violation of rules 7 and 11 in order to smear me as transphobic because it ‘defends’ them and attempts to make them look good whilst attempting to destroy my reputation, pushing the narrative that I’m such a horrible person. Apparently, all that was done was her being reprimanded behind the scenes… ok sure… and the damaging tweets slandering me and attempting to destroy my reputation in our industry and beyond are still up on her Twitter, in fact, with Briijays trademark pity party tweets endorsing the slander. She ‘liked’ Maediocre’s tweets too.
“We did our best to investigate the situation and those are the details that we are not at liberty to discuss. To note, the situation did not occur at a WomANZ hosted event, nor did it happen on our moderated discord server. We still, however, assisted in the situation regardless of the fact we were not liable to do so.”
You literally sat on your hands and did nothing. You did a piss poor job talking to the victim and you didn’t speak to ANY of the witnesses as was stated in Skylxrk’s open letter. So if you didn’t properly talk with the victim and you spoke to none of the main
witnesses then… WHO DID YOU SPEAK TO?!?! Those are some shit-ass investigation skills right there. Or you just couldn’t be bothered finding out the truth once you realized you could attempt to spin DrGamerGirl’s lies in your favor.
“Since then, no further information has come to light which would change our stance on the situation.”
You’re going to flat out LIE continuously? It’s been PROVEN that you all stalk my social media accounts like your life (more like lies) depend on it. Hell, you monitor my live streams to the point where Briijay gets her twitch partner boyfriend Vondle to come into the stream to tell me off for proving she’s full of lies, and when that didn’t work, the next stream SHE came in all holier than thou. So if you’re all are in my streams then I KNOW you’ve seen the screenshots I’ve shown of the other victims (two of who are trans women) coming to me and making statements about their experiences with DrGamerGirl.
“…the accused attempted to reach out to the person who came forward and did issue an apology to this person…” and “The apology was acknowledged.”
WHAT? WHERE?! Kistrix has NOT been apologized to. Where is this attempt? Where is this issued apology? And as Skylark’s open letter says, did you REALLY speak to DGG? Because a couple of days after the Twitch Sydney meetup they were crying on their stream saying they ‘don’t know what they did, if someone would just tell me I would apologize’. So no, you didn’t do anything. I repeat, there was no apology.
“One of our team members also did offer to meet with the person coming forward but backed out due to feeling unsafe due to ongoing targeted harassment.”
Calling you out on your bullshit isn’t harassment. Oh, and that edited footage where I said that some people deserve to have their heads smashed against a brick wall? It was edited to not only remove the context but to also remove the sentiment that sometimes people really do need the sense knocked the fuck into them. You want a witness for that? Just ask Skylxrk as he is a moderator on my stream. Don’t get it twisted.
“We acknowledge that we did not initially handle the situation as best we could. As stated, we are only human, we’re capable of making mistakes and we ask for patience and understanding as we continue to grow both as a community and an administrative team, and learn from it.”
Naysy has had ALL THIS TIME now, to apologize to Kistrix for how she had poorly worded her reply. She could have DM’d her at any time, this entire time. Nope. This is performative bullshit. If you acknowledge and you’re continuing to grow… where was Kistrix’s apology from Naysy? Where is MINE for all this bullshit of you all doubling down because you would rather me be the villain than actually confront the fact that you need to do some ACTUAL work and not just say you are.
And clearly, you haven’t learned jack shit, otherwise this would have stopped after the Scrivo incidents late last year when I tried to call you out on your hypocrisy of supporting his victims but not Kistrix…. and then we wouldn’t have two more victims coming to me for support because you continue to protect a predator.
“Finally, to those who have exacerbated this problem through harmful and hurtful comments across social media, regardless that the situation was resolved; this behaviour is toxic and harmful and isn’t conducive towards positive change and it doesn’t provide an open space for discussion.”
They were saying “regardless that the situation was resolved”… when it was NOT resolved. Also, more tone policing of the victims of your smear campaign, wonderful. All this patronizing attitude as if Kistrix and I hadn’t initially DM’d Naysy and Briijay reaching out in good faith.
“Please be kind to one another.”
But apparently, you’re exempt from this if you’re slandering the person they want to vilify. They won’t stop you. Please be kind while they continue to endorse and participate in the active smear campaign against milkypixel in order to not only ruin her reputation but in doing so, completely invalidate every single victim that she is fighting for.
Bonus: “We champion diversity and aim to provide an inclusive environment.”
And yet the entire WomANZ admin team is white or white-passing.
The Cowards Return... (Or, at least, 1.5 of them).
I took to my stream to dissect the whole statement, live, for anyone who would care to know the truth. Everything I mentioned above about the statement, was mentioned on that stream. Sadly, two things occurred during the stream that severely disappointed me; Two women who were formerly friends of mine (before they decided associating with me was ‘industry social suicide’) that were witnesses to Kistrix’s sexual harassment decided it would be a good idea to invalidate and discredit me on stream (one of them herself (Leisha), and the other (Leesh) had a friend (sstphs) do it for her).
Leisha: you’re literally a psychopath honey… get over yourself… awww taking a screenshot how cute.
Two things; one, I think she meant sociopath, and two, yes I was taking screenshots. It’s evidence. Sue me for keeping receipts.
Leisha: I didn’t jump ship, we discussed our feelings on the situation and you let skylxrk shit on any mental health qualms leesh herself had, you yourself ignored her mental health because it’s all about you.
As was previously shown in this essay, this wasn’t the case. Leesh even said that she couldn’t handle being in a moderator-type role… only to immediately become a moderator for the ‘GroupUp’ community that had popped up after the Scrivo situation. As for you not jumping ship? The previous screenshots of you doing exactly that, prove that you’re a damn liar.
Leisha: …you make this all about you, you literally call yourself ground zero, this isn’t about them, it never has been and never will be.
And yet I had the victims' continuous appreciation for speaking out for them when they didn’t have the energy to ‘fight’. Yes, I DO call myself ‘ground zero’, because I AM in the part of the situation that pertains to myself. If I hadn’t been subjected to the bullshit leadership of the WomANZ admin team and (god forbid) stood up for myself, they never would have seen me as a ‘threat’, and thus, anything I said/say immediately invalidated and disregarded… even if what I was saying was the truth, and even if that truth happened to be that multiple victims have suffered sexual harassment by DrGamerGirl due to the inaction, lies, and negligence of the WomANZ admin team. I may refer to myself as ‘ground zero’ but it very much stopped being just about me the moment Kistrix was sexually harassed… then three more victims. It’s no longer ‘all about me’. Not by a long shot.
Leisha: you were showing sexts too but okay sure… oh I know I’m not a decent person, but at least I recognise that, ta ta, have fun with legal suits.
I just let out the biggest sigh having to type that out. I may have shown messages that saw me flirting with guys… but Leisha, me showing text messages flirting with guys is NOT the same as you showing a complete dick pic of a close friend of mine to an entire birthday dinner table at KBBQ (with 50% of the attendees (Skylxrk, Kistrix, and her husband Dan) having only just met you that evening). You needed your ego validated THAT much, that you needed to show strangers a person’s penis which you didn’t have permission to show to others. When I had shown him the evidence of you even SENDING the very same dick pic to me, he lamented, ‘You know… we could have gone our entire friendship without you ever having seen my dick. Yet here we are.” Leisha, the fact that you even THOUGHT my behavior was comparable to yours that evening is insane.
…And then Sstphs showed up. I must admit, I didn’t recall who she was at first… and then I remembered; Leesh’s friend from Scotland. We had spoken on discord voice call once, together with Leesh, about how horrible DrGamerGirl was being… and yet clearly it was now about how I was the toxic one. (Also note her repeated use of ‘girl’ to patronize and infantilize me)
Sstphs: Nobody has sympathy for you if you’re just going to be a vindictive girl who’s made her whole streaming career about slating people.
Umm, ‘whole streaming career’. I admit I’m not very consistent with my stream schedule (which doesn’t exist). But I’m pretty sure FOUR streams of showing evidence isn’t my ‘whole streaming career’. Also, tone policing! I (and the victims) have every damn right to be pissed off about everything. You don’t get to tell the people who have been wronged how to act just because you don’t see them
as victims. ESPECIALLY when you yourself weren’t a witness to any of the harassment or evidence. Your friend Leash was (witness to Kistrix being sexually harassed) but you seem to be ignoring that fact.
Sstphs: You’re not a victim if YOU create a toxic environment… Listen girl, I was there in the discord call back when you were being toxic and saying all this and that and creating that environment.
What HAS Leesh been feeding you? The same Leesh that had turned tailed and apologized to Briijay for associating with me and thus, invalidating Kistrix’s sexual harassment. The same Leesh that, if I were to pull up our old DMs was equally frustrated with DrGamerGirl’s behavior. No, you’re trying to protect ‘her streaming career’ because she is under the impression that associating with me is ‘social suicide’ even though she was all for supporting myself and Kistrix… when it was easy.
Sstphs: This isn’t about Leesh. The situation is so beyond Leesh that I didn’t even have to hear about it from her.
No, Leesh was never a main focus. But don’t act like she wasn’t completely uninvolved either. Again, she was a WITNESS to the sexual harassment Kistrix endured from DrGamerGirl and now she’s acting like this? Don’t play dumb. Unless she’s been playing the victim for you too, and you’ve been buying it.
Sstphs: But you’re slating my friends because you’re twisting a narrative. They were trying to support you for so long, but when things escalated in a way that was blown out of proportion and starting to severely affect them. They chose to prioritise themselves. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Oh no, the evidence is all here. I don’t twist narratives. I don’t need to. On the other hand, it’s clear that Leesh clearly does. They both supported when it was easy… but the nanosecond it became slightly challenging and they got scared I would ruin their career chances, they abandoned ship. Regardless of the fact that they were also leaving behind a sexual harassment victim and several other witnesses.
Sstphs: The situation should’ve stayed private and between yourselves. Just like it still should. This is the wrong way to go about things… Leesh doesn’t want bad blood, she wants to move on with her life and create a positive environment for herself.
Again, as has been shown previously in this essay, BOTH Kistrix and myself went to solve things PRIVATELY only for those in power to take advantage of that to be neglectful because they deemed it ‘too hard’. Yes, ‘Leesh doesn’t want bad blood’ because she doesn’t want to stand up for anything. Even if that means betraying Kistrix. She was fine with turning tail and apologizing to the very people vilifying me if it meant success in our industry. That’s honestly fucked up.
Both of them are cowards. They would prefer to be complicit in a status quo that was protecting a repeat sexual harasser and predator than risk their precious “careers”.
A Victim gets Kicked and Banned from WomANZ for Breaking ZERO Rules
One of the victims, Danica, was kicked and banned from the WomANZ server after I displayed and read out her statement (shown previously above) of what had happened to her at the hands of DrGamerGirl.
You see, Mivaro had decided to ‘lurk’ in the stream chat to observe what I was saying (fair enough). But then poorly decided to kick/ban one of the victims because, well… I’ll let her excuse speak for itself:
Everything that she had just said in an attempt to justify her actions to Danica were complete bald-faced lies.
“I got told that someone was sharing screenshots in our server and it was being used in a live stream.” , “After I kicked you it was said you were a victim of someone and that you were groomed.”
Mivaro had been lurking in the stream at the time when I had been reading Danica’s statement. Danica’s name hadn’t been pixelated and was shown (with her permission). So for Mivaro to lie and say she only found out about Danica being one of DrGamerGirl’s victims after she had kicked Danica was a blatant lie. The situation of Mivaro kicking Danica out of the WomANZ server does not exist in an
isolated bubble. “… it was said you were a victim of someone…”. Mivaro, you know damn well who the person is, Danica’s statement even has DrGamerGirl right there plain as day. Don’t play dumb whilst simultaneously wanting people to take you seriously in the same situation.
“…even though screenshots of our private convo was shared publicly to demonise me…”
No, you did that all on your own by kicking out one of the victims from the server without knowing all the facts and/or doing your damn research (definitely a running theme from the admin team). As the above screenshot shows, that smile emoji right after a sentence saying Danica was being removed and you hope she understands? Smooth move being patronizing to one of the victims, and then not even elaborating on the reason why and claiming, “Not the right moment”? I think Danica’s response of, “How is it not the right moment? You didn’t even talk to me before kicking me, there is no explanation…”, speaks for itself.
As an aside; “I don’t really know how to start protecting 600 people when their personal safety gets invaded and conversations can be used for someone else’s gain.”
Let me be perfectly clear, in regards to my situation, I may have been completely mistreated and villainized for the personal gain of the WomANZ admin team. But the ‘personal gain’? Is not only setting the record straight by calling them out on their bullshit even though I’m apparently committing ‘industry social suicide’ by going up against the popular clique. But I’ve also been supporting the victims of DrGamerGirl for more than 9 months now (4 victims that we know of) due to the fact that the WomANZ admin team find it such a burdensome and troublesome task to actually create a safe space for the women in their discord server like they so claim it to be.
Two victims (Danica and P) have said themselves that, if the WomANZ admin team had done their job of taking this situation seriously when we first sought their support when Kistrix was sexually harassed (instead of doubling down on villainizing me), and removing DrGamerGirl from the WomANZ community, then neither of them would have ever met her.
The GirlGamerFestival and its Marriage with the WomANZ Admin Team; feat. VIP DrGamerGirl
On the 3rd of June 2019, I was told by P to watch Annabel Kwan’s (Punziecosplay) Instagram live broadcast because she had submitted questions in regards to the WomANZ admin team and DrGamerGirl. I decided to watch that evening and sure enough, these questions came up. As you can imagine, I was sorely disappointed with Annabel’s answers. (I’ve sped up the parts that don’t have to do with the
“… I know exactly who this (sic) people are, so umm, kind of pointless…”
Sorry Annabel, unlike a lot of people, I would have put my name to the question instead of submitting it anonymously on your ‘tell’
thing. If you had done your research, you would have known I’m not afraid to stand up for these things.
And so Pepper’s question came up. As Annabel read it out loud, my throat constricted. I couldn’t breathe. “How can Girl Gamer Festival support the WomANZ admin team, knowing they are protecting a repeat sexual harasser within their community. I thought you wanted to support women?”
“… When I got this question, I had to do my fair bit of research. Umm, because I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, and obviously needed to, you know, I wanted to see what was going on. Umm, I yeh, look, the WomANZ team are amazing. They’re beautiful. Umm, they do not put up with sexual harassment¹, they do not put up with bullying². Umm, and they’re just dealing with a lot right now with a very transphobic person³. Umm, so I just don’t think that’s right…”
Again, you say you had done your research and you clearly hadn’t.
¹ Why don’t you speak to the 4 victims of DrGamerGirl who will tell you otherwise.
² Holding them accountable for their negligence isn’t bullying, Annabel. And hypocritical much? What would you call what they are trying to do to me? Blowing me kisses? You’re having a laugh if you don’t see how hypocritical they and you are being.
³ Two of DrGamerGirl’s victims are trans women who felt safer and more supported coming to ME than to the WomANZ admin team. Had you done proper UNBIASED research, you would have known exactly WHY that out-of-context clip Mediocre tweeted was used to blatantly lie about me.
The fact that people were genuinely believing the lies that Mediocre and the WomANZ admin team were spreading and endorsing about me, continue to make me sick to my stomach.
“I will also not be answering your second question because it is not worth the time of day. Umm, at the moment is has nothing to do with me. It has nothing to do with umm, the current situation, and I really don’t appreciate you throwing around words and accusations, umm, that I personally don’t know about…. This is a very serious accusation, I have received, umm, not to do with me, and if this is true, then it needs to be given to the police, and I just don’t… we’re not touching that…”
This type of answer will always hurt because it comes from a place of privilege. The privilege of never having been sexually violated only to be invalidated and told nothing can be done by those very same police you keep telling the victims to go to. Why don’t you ask some of the victims I’ve been supporting and they will tell you EXACTLY why they’ve reacted and behaved the way they have this time ‘round.
The general attitude towards the two questions (with the second one not even being read out) was dismissive and completely invalidating. I had asked Pepper after the live stream what she had written for the second question and her response was that she couldn’t remember verbatim but she had asked why they had given DrGamerGirl a VIP pass to the Girl Gamer Festival when she was a
repeat sexual harasser.
It hurt and infuriated me that the simultaneous smear campaign to destroy me and the invalidation of the victims was still happening because those with power and privilege continued to refuse to look past their own egos and pride.
Let’s Continue to Tone Police and Move Around Those Goalposts, Shall We?
On the evening of the 15th of June 2019, my phone buzzed with a Twitter notification. A random user going by the handle @lw88 had liked an ‘old’ tweet by pixelsmixel.
Their attitude of wanting myself and the victims to simply ‘get over it’ and ‘move on’, had been continually used to minimize and invalidate our experiences, despite the fact that we had been suffering from nightmares and anxiety attacks due to our trauma.
Pretending like their continual behind-the-scenes smearing and lies aren’t affecting the victims and myself. To be that insidious, callous, and lacking of empathy. It hurts. It fucking hurts all of us. And their continual protection of DrGamerGirl is a perpetual spit in the face of the people who have suffered due to all of their actions (and lack thereof).
One Last Thing...
You remember how one of the victims (Danica) was wrongly kicked from the WomANZ discord server despite having done nothing to breach their guidelines/rules? The following is the exchange Danica has had, since then, with Mivaro.
Blatantly lying to a victim (who knows what you’re saying is a lie) by saying you “… nor anyone in WomANZ has the tools to deal with the issue…” when you know very well you actually can do something about the situation, is a complete lack of ownership of responsibility that I frankly, cannot relate to.
And whilst it took Danica 7 days to respond to Mivaro due to health issues, the fact that it took Mivaro 12 days to respond is fucking appaling when you are not only speaking to a victim of sexual harassment, but it’s absolutely atrocious behavior from a person who has chosen to sit themselves in a position of leadership and power.
All of the WomANZ admin team have thus far displayed this horrid pattern of behavior where they accept the benefits and ‘glory’ of their self-appointed leadership positions of power, and yet refuse to take any of the ‘difficult’ responsibilities that come with said power and positions of leadership.
(whilst a lot of the original admin team have been replaced, quite a few of them are still within the same friendship circles of the new admin team. None of the original admin team has done anything in terms of taking steps to rectify the damage they have done to the community. In fact, i'm pretty sure they wish this evidence and the victims would cease to exist.)
At the end of the day, finally getting this out there is what matters. If you are adamant to continue this bias against me and hate me, based on lies and bruised egos then, by all means, I’m not going to stop you. This essay was and is for those who want to think for themselves. Those that would like all the evidence laid out on the table in order to make a more informed decision.
Those who want the truth.
But if you’re going to hate me, at the very least consider the many victims that have been subjected to sexual harassment and trauma due to the negligence, inaction, and refusal to take responsibility by the WomANZ admin team. Naysy, this is your company and community. Take responsibility for what is happening. Your silence in this is not only VERY telling but shows that your heart is definitely not in it to CARE for our industry… your heart is only in it for yourself and your little mean girls clique (if it even extends to that).
We have been asked several times through tweets and messages on stream asking what we want to happen. What resolution do we
seek? The answer is simple:
– We want GENUINE apologies for each victim that has come forward (only to be
rebuffed and invalidated by the WomANZ admin team).
– For DrGamerGirl to be removed from the WomANZ community in order to protect the over 600+ women now in the server.
– And an apology to myself, for pushing these atrocious lies about me just to save themselves. Calling me toxic, anti-trans, a bully, a liar… and everything in between. An apology for attempting to destroy my image, reputation, and career, knowing full well that what they were spreading were absolute lies.
You know what? From the pattern of behavior I’ve seen (and that I’ve shown you all in this essay), I won’t be surprised if we never receive the second and third points. To admit that they were willing to destroy me in order to use me as a scapegoat? To remove DrGamerGirl and admit that they were protecting a predator despite the evidence being continually shoved in their faces? I have hope… but I’m not counting on it. Actual admittance is different from “I’m sorry you feel that way.” And if I were to be completely candid, I’d say that from what I’ve seen and experienced? They don’t have the heart…
I’m sorry this has taken so long to get written and be released. But I guess that’s what happens when you’re painted as the villain and the so-called ‘good guys’ rally all their friends together to employ tactics that your abusive first ex used to use to silence you.
I’m done with their gaslighting. I’m done with their false narrative….
… and I’m done being your villain.
(thursday 24th february 2022) sadly, i had been notified earlier this year that DrGamerGirl resumed being active on Twitch and Twitter shortly after the 'drama' had died down as if nothing had happened (essentially pulling a Louis C.K. - wait 2 months more or less then resume as normal.)
& while i'm saddened and incredibly frustrated with the situation, all i can do is sit here 'in my place'. the victims no longer saw a use for my anger sometime in mid-2020 and had decided to do exactly what Leesh and Leisha had done - they sought attention and approval from Briijay and the like... only to be discarded once the fun of 'vilifying milky' got boring (as i had stopped responding in anger and had accepted the situation for what it was: one where i needed to grow and take a good hard look at myself and my anger. that i could only improve the variable of myself and try to move on without resolution.
they regarded a friendship with me as being able to have access to an emotional sponge to trauma dump on regularly, daily, for months. and that wasn’t sustainable, nor was it ever a basis of a true friendship.
as mentioned at the start, this essay has been transferred from my original website where it had lived until Skylxrk went all scorched earth on our friendship. speaking of which, if you have any friends in touch with DrGamerGirl, feel free to show them this essay. while i no longer have the energy to scream from the rooftops (trauma from this sh*t will do that to you), i hope that this thing can save others from getting hurt.
i've learned from this entire thing. i've learned where i went wrong. i've learned i can be damned angry for a really long time. and i've learned that a lot of people refuse to change for the better out of detrimental stubbornness.